Beastly novel Chapter 49

Fuck it.

I didn't know. I was just so tired of everyone having such a swell time and getting happy in such situations when I felt like I was suffering. Of course, I didn't blame anyone. I had no one to blame but myself. Still, the fact that it seemed like no one was on my side when it came to Xander and I was not good for my mental health. When my body screamed for me to go to him and my common sense gave way, I needed someone to pull on that little string of hesitancy and drag me back. Not push me further.

Was I being immature about this? Maybe. Could I do anything to stop this feeling of betrayal from everyone around me? Maybe. I really didn't know.

"You can't expect someone to stop or encourage you dear. Every decision you've made concerning Alpha Xander has been all on you. Granted, I have no idea what you have been through with him and I can't say I haven't thought of you falling in love with him and deciding to stay, but I want nothing more than for you both to be happy." she said, as she gradually wrapped her arms around my shoulders "If you're happy together, fine. If you're happy apart, fine. I'm actually pretty glad that you give him such a tough time most of the time and that he's working to get you despite this."

"You are?" I asked, looking up at her. Gladys smiled down at me, the warmth of it making me feel much better

"Yes. It's needed for character development." I chuckled at her words "Do you hate him?"

"I..." Would I let someone I hate hold me the way Xander did? "I don't think so."

"Do you like him?"

"I think he can be a good person when he wants to be. He cares about this pack and has a slightly good head on his shoulders. As an Alpha, he's good for this place."

"What about for you?"

"I can hardly stand him. He's hot one moment, cold the next. Sometimes I want to understand him, other times, I wish he would just leave me alone. He's not healthy for me but I can't help feeling connected to him in more ways than one. It confuses me. Makes me anxious too. Yet, it excites me."

"Then if you can't help it, why do you allow your little moments of weakness to pull you down?" I stayed silent, gazing up at her as she stroked my back "These little moments do not define the entirety of who you are Luna Ava. Neither do they have to make you hesitant to do what you believe must be done. You have the power to do anything and everything."

"You don't think I'm crazy?"

"Crazy? I have yet to meet any other pair of mates that have held-on on to the mating process like you two have in all of my life. It's completely normal for things like this to happen, no matter what history you may have between you." She let go of me, placing her hands on her hips "The way I see it, if you don't want it, it'll never become reality. On the other hand, if a little part of you wants it, I believe there's no stopping. It's all on you. Now the question is...."

She turned on her heel and began to walk away, but let me hear her final words.

"Do you not want this or you're too afraid to want this?"

...................

"What's with that distant look in your eyes?" Marcus asked. Ava jumped slightly where she sat and his eyebrows scrunched up as a frown became noticeable on his face

"Nothing. I was just thinking about something." she smiled, but he could see it wasn't that genuine. She was always expressive and couldn't hide how she was feeling in front of anyone. He found it quite endearing "Do you want to eat now?"

He nodded his head in response and quietly watched as she began to unpack the food she had brought with her.

"I'm glad to know you're eating well while you're here." he said, wanting to start up a conversation. Her soft laughter filled the room as she turned to walk towards his bed

"Although I can handle myself in the kitchen, Gladys makes sure I don't allow myself to give in to my urges of not wanting to eat on some days. It's nice having her around. I'm sure you'll love it."

He closed the book she had brought for him and placed it on the bedside cabinet. Ava pulled the tray and placed the food on it so he would eat. He had made it very clear to her that he was in good shape. The IV was gone and now, he was only resting. Marcus knew it probably shocked the doctors how well and how quickly he had been able to heal of an injury of that degree. Not that he'd ever tell what he was. It was better to keep them guessing.

"So when will I be getting out of here?" he asked her

"The doctors say they just need to put you under observation. Besides, you're still a threat if you've forgotten and no one wants you prancing around, especially since they don't know who you are."

"I thought your mate would have cleared up all of this by now. I'd like to start your training as soon as possible."

Ava hummed as a response, sitting down on the chair beside his bed. Marcus was now sure that she was spacing out because of her mate. He had deliberately mentioned him just to see how she would react and if the slight grimace she made when he mentioned him was any indication, that meant that something had definitely happened between them.

"Does he treat you well?" Marcus asked

"What?" Ava responded, not paying attention

"Does your mate treat you well?"

"Well, he tries his best. Too touchy and possessive if you ask me."

Marcus chuckled. Ava's character and that of Xander's were bound to clash all the time, which did nothing but amuse him.

"I can whack his head if you'd like."

"And risk having you get kicked out? No, thank you."

"He's aware that will upset you so he wouldn't even think of getting rid of me."

"How wonderful that I've become your immunity card." He grinned at her then began to eat the food slowly. The symphony of flavours was a blessing to his tongue and he hummed in satisfaction "I want you to talk to him."

"About what exactly?"

"I'm sort of a liability to everyone around me, especially this pack. I don't think it's alright to keep the information you know between us alone. He's been dealing with cases that revolve around me too."

"You trust him." He didn't have to ask her. He could tell from the way she spoke that she trusted Xander more than she thought she did. "Are you sure about this?"

"Too many people have died for me to not be sure. We could all have a meeting when you're discharged. I'll speak to him about it beforehand."

"A meeting?" he thought about it for a moment and then nodded, "As long as that's what you want. It's better this way."

Neither of them said anything more. Marcus knew there wasn't really anything he could do to help her. He could only hope when the time came, she wouldn't regret her final decision.

Then again, regret was already deeply rooted in her life. She just didn't know it yet.