SAGE novel Chapter 47

Sage Miller

We passed Styles in the living room. He gave me a look that said I'll have to tell him too.

I was planning to anyway. After all, I will need his help. A lot.

Eve led me to Styles's room. She opened the door and let me in. I closed the door behind me and when I turned around, Eve was sitting on the bed.

I didn't know where and how to start telling. This is just so huge and it's dragged on for almost a year now.

I paced up and down still struggling on how to even start explaining to her.

"Sage, I'm dying with worry over here." I heard Eve say.

I stopped pacing and lifted my head to look at her. I opened my mouth and closed it like a fish.

I started pacing in the room again. I ran a hand through my face then through my hair.

"Are you in some kind of trouble?" I heard her ask. "You can tell me."

She coaxed me into talking. It helped though.

"Just say it, Sage. Just get this over and done with." I murmured words of encouragement to myself over and over again.

My heart was now on my throat beating so fast. I couldn't look at her in the face.

"Sage you have to tell me." She stood up and walked towards me. She grabbed my shoulders to stop my pacing.

I could feel how pale my face was. I was tense and shaking furiously.

This felt more like a bad idea with each second that passed.

Maybe I shouldn't tell her. I thought. But that would mean more trouble for me.

I lied to the cops. She has to lie too which means telling her the truth.

"I'm scared Eve." I finally admitted. I let go and my shoulders fell because I felt defeated.

I had planned to take this secret to the grave.

Eve quickly wrapped her arms around me and hugged me.

I just felt like sobbing on her shoulder. So much has happened in just one day and even more has happened in the past week.

I just felt defeated. I felt powerless.

"We will fix it. Whatever it is Sage. We will get through it. Remember that it's us against the world. No matter what." She reminded me of the promise we made when dad died. "No matter how bad it is. You just have to tell me and we'll figure it out."

She made it sound so easy.

"It's not easy Eve. I'm sorting out the information inside my head and everything is just so messed up. I don't know what to leave out and what to tell you. I'm just." He paused and took a deep breath. "I'm tired of all the secrets."

Eve is the only person that still sees me as innocent, pure, and a hero. I'm a hero only in her eyes and I don't wanna ruin that.

I don't want her to see me other than what she always saw me. Pure.

Eve's body slowly tensed.

I just know that I don't want that secret to destroy us. I don't want this to destroy our bond.

It's the only true thing I have right now. I don't know about Connor and Sebastian but Eve is the only thing I have that's not tainted.

The only relationship I haven't ruined.

"It's okay Sage. We'll figure it out. Please tell me." She sounded so desperate that it pained me to hear her like that.

"I don't know where to start. There's a lot to say and I'm not sure if I should tell you all of it." I truthfully told her. "I just don't want you to look at me differently."

I knew that if I told her she'll never look at me the same. No one will.

Harry did. A voice said at the back of my head. But that wasn't the same. He's just like me, a murderer.

And that's not the truth, he did see me differently. Except that it was the opposite of fear or disgust.

Before that day, he didn't respect me.

"Oh Sage, I could never look at you a different way. I could never see you in any other way other than my brother who I love unconditionally. There's no way I could do that. It's not in my blood." She tried to assure me but I knew otherwise. She then hugged me again. "You can tell me anything without the fear of being judged."

"I don't know where to start Eve. It's just so much." I told her.

She pulled away then pulled me down to sit on the bed.

"You can start from the beginning." She assures me and held both my hands. "I don't like seeing you like this."

I kissed the back of her hands because she's just so kind and loving.

"I don't like being like this," I told her and focused on her hands... "About an hour ago, cops came to the house."

I paused and waited for her to say something or ask something but she didn't say anything.

"They told me someone reported Clara missing and they questioned me about the last time I saw her. I told them when." My heart was back in my throat again.

My heart was thundering so loud in my chest.

I tried not to think back to the last time I saw her. I lifted my head and looked at Eve and realized that she was trying not to think about it too.

She suffered the most at the hands of Clara. Though I tried to help every time, she still did suffer.

I tried so hard not to think about Clara. I still try not to think about the nightmares I still have.

"They said they'd have to question you and I'm afraid our story won't line up as it should," I said and brushed her hands with my thumbs.

I avoided her eyes. I was dragging her down with my web of lies and I was ashamed of myself for that.

"What do you mean?" She asked softly.

"I told them the last time we saw wasn't the last time we saw her," I told her being purposely vague. "I lied."

"Why did you lie to the police?" She asked confused.

I felt even more defeated than I was two seconds ago.

"I just... I just need you to tell them that you last saw Clara on her birthday last year. That's all I need." I said pleading with her.

I changed my mind. I won't tell her anything. There's no need for her to know all the horrible things I've done.

I was pleading to whoever is devine that she didn't ask more questions because if she did and I answered them, we would be at a point of no return.

"I can't lie to the police okay. What if they find out? What then? We'll get in trouble Sage." She scolded me.

"They'll never find out Eve." He stood up and turned his back on me. "Not if we tell them the same thing. That's all."

She stood up and grabbed my arm but I couldn't look at her. I didn't t turn around.

"What's going on Sage?" She asked but I wasn't willing to say anymore. "No more secrets remember?"

She reminded me of a promise I made no too long ago. A ran a hand through my hair.

"I know but it isn't that simple to tell you," I told her.

"Why is it so hard?" It 2as clear to me that she was getting frustrated.

"Because I don't know what's worse, telling you or keeping this secret." I sank to the floor.

I just looked down on the floor in shame of every action I've done. I know I would do it again in a heartbeat but it doesn't make me proud.

I have blood on my hands and not just anyone's blood, I have my own mother's blood in my hands. My flesh and blood.

"Ryan Dalton is investigating the case." I let it rip. "Clara's old boyfriend."

No one dared to move or say anything. I didn't raise my head so I couldn't see her reaction.

I stared at the cold floor and let her process the information.

"He wants to put me into foster care until they find Clara," I whispered weakly.

The silence was making me nervous.

"But they won't find her," I added.

She slowly came down. First I saw her knees as they met the floor then her hands when they touched my knees.

"What? Why won't they find her?" She asked genuinely curious. I could hear it in her voice.

It took me some time to think of the words to say but only three words made it to my mouth.

"Because she's dead." I finally replied.

I waited for her reaction. It was delayed. I could hear the wheels in her head spinning.

"What... how... What happened?" She asked very confusedly. "Then tell the police that and we can sort out the foster care stuff. Wren will sign your custody and everything will be fine."

She made all this sound so easy and for three seconds I let myself believe that it was that easy.

That I could tell the police and everything would be resolved and I could put this nightmare behind me.

The first second I thought, I tell them she's dead. The second one, Wren gets custody of me. The third, they find out I killed her and I'm arrested.

So it's not that easy.

"I can't tell them that," I told her.

"Why can't you? It will make things easier." She argued. "Just tell them."

"I can't Eve. That's something I can't tell them. " I argued back.

"Why Sage? Make me understand." She frowned.

"Because Eve, because I killed her." The room went dead silent and I held my breath not sure how she'll react. "I killed her okay. Why do you think you haven't seen her ever since? Because I killed her."

In her eyes, I could see she didn't believe me. It was both good and bad. She was confused.

"What?" She whispered still not believing me

"I hated her okay. I hated her so much and that night I pushed her too hard and she hit her head but she was barely alive and I couldn't call the ambulance then I'll have to explain what happened then she started talking trash about you and killing you. I couldn't let her and I wasn't thinking straight. I was blinded with rage and I just wrapped my head around her throat and everything happened so fast and she wasn't thrashing anymore and she wasn't breathing."