Zero and Beauty's Breath (A Satan Sniper's Motorcycle Club Series Book 3 - 4) novel Chapter 58

“I have nothing Zero, I can't, don't.”

Hurt curls my insides.

She knows her words cut deep and like her, she pushes me away. Turning her back to face me, as she has done before. Blocking me out.

When emotions run high, Beauty wants to hide. Not now. She can't keep hiding.

“Don't hide from me Amariya, I want to see you.” My words are raised, the command in my tone not filtered.

“I can't Zero, please, don't do this.”

“Look at me.” I plead in a loud voice, begging the woman I love and for once she does.

“You want to know, you really want to know why I can't give you what you want. Why if you stay with me all we will have is this, a wedge.” She screams at me, her eyes wild as they look at me, showing me the killer within.

“Yes, I deserve to know.”

She laughs but it is as hollow as the person who stares at me, “I WILL kill your brother Zero. I will end things with Lucca and when all that is done, I will never see my daughter again, you really want to know what I think? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I KNOW. Love is not an emotion Zero, It is a moment before death and I hope your brother got his because his death is near.”

“So your love for me won't change your mind?” I ask her. Well aware that I sound accusing as her eyes lock onto me, unblinking, stabbing me to death with just those deep soulless black depths, like Onyx.

It feels like she is killing me, destroying my life.

“I told you an eye for an eye. Your brother will pay like all the others before him.”

“What happened between you and my brother?”

She is quiet as she walks further away from me, then she turns back and her soulless depths sink into me, reminding me of a time that seems like an eternity ago, the day Beauty first wrapped her hands around me and jumped on the back of my bike.

And that day she left a grown man like me speechless and I know as she opens her mouth that this will be much worse.

“Sixteen and pregnant on the streets was hard, add in getting hunted by my crazy ex, it was almost impossible.

I was six months along when a deal was struck with Deno. Everything was going according to plan.

“But that is the thing about life, nothing ever really goes to plan. It is those moments when you least expect the short end that you get it so bad.

Your brother was that short end for me, his greed for money. His need to deliver the object of his biggest deal. He was blinded by the promise of all those zeros. Lucca's lapdog.” I frown when she drops her eyes to the ground but I remain silent wanting her to tell me this story.

“Thorn took me from the doctor's house, I begged him to let me go, I cried as my contractions became so bad. I promised him anything as the blood ran down my legs. I knew something was wrong. But all that knowing, begging, pleading, he still refused.”

She turns away from me, continuing to kill me with the past, “I told him my baby was in danger. He told me to shut the fuck up before he grabbed me and hauled me out of there like a fucking diseased dog with a collar around my neck. Then when my screaming became too much he parked us on the corner of a road, in the middle of nowhere as the cars drove by and told me to push. I did, I pushed until my insides felt like they might rip into two.”

Beauty spins around her eyes shine with tears I would never see fall, that just breaks me more.

“Both my babies came out alive Zero, both survivors, like me. But your brother, he saw the cops coming down the street, panicked and dropped my baby on the floor. I knew she was dead, her neck was at a terrible angle. I screamed and he shoved my other baby at me. My after birth wasn't even out. He left me like a fucking coward on the side of the road, with a dead baby on the ground and a barely alive one wrapped in a dogs blanket, he didn't even cut the cord.”

She quietens, but I am so close, I push, “What happened Amariya.”

“The cops rushed me to a hospital, they said your brother killed my baby Zero. Deno was there, he said that Thorn killed my baby. I saw him do it. An eye for an eye. So you see why I can't just leave your brother to breathe, can you see why you loving me is not enough. How I feel about you Zero won't change the direction of my bullet, only our expiration date.”

I pull her into my arms, and she lets me hold her. My mind works hard to think of ways to change her mind, as my heart rips into different sides because what my brother did is unforgivable.

He hurt her, he tied a fucking collar on her neck, and he dropped her baby.

How much of that is true, I don't know. I feel like I am caught between two waterfalls. Both options equal similar endings. Me getting split in two. I don't have another option.

In Beauty's mind, he killed her baby, he set off a dark chain of events and ultimately added a ticker to his already short lifespan.

But weren't paralyzing him enough. I try hard to put myself in her shoes, to wrap my head around her version of the story. He said the baby was born dead, she said he dropped the kid but doesn't that both equal a mistake.

I can't choose her and not lose him, and I can't choose my brother without letting Beauty go and I can't let her go, I tried.

But soon I am going to have to make a choice. I squeeze her tighter like my subconscious is already preparing itself for that loss. Like she has already lost, hadn't she lost enough already.

“Come on, let's leave all this deep shit for tomorrow, let's take a ride.”