Hatred With Benefits novel Chapter 69

SAGE.

Whoever said love is the greatest emotion of all and the best thing that could ever happen to anyone in their lifetime has got a fucked up viewpoint, because love is in fact the worst thing that could ever happen to anyone. We've all been taught to know the promising sides of love; the happiness and fulfilment it could bring. We've been forced to seek it out in our lives, when we should be staying away from it. Everyone says the good things about love, but no one said the horrible sides. The pain? The heartache? The way it easily fucks your entire being, messing with your mentality and your health? No one taught us about that. No one taught us that love would give us a slice of heaven, and a whole tide of hell. No one taught us that love will turn out to be your biggest catastrophe.

Love doesn't heal; It hurts.

It doesn't put you back together, it breaks you into pieces and leaves you to remain in that state.

Being in love is one of the biggest regrets that I've ever had in my life, because being in love took everything from me. My happiness. My smile. My well being. My rationality. It took every fucking thing and left me a shell of my former self because she left. Aliya left me without another thought and every single time I try to understand things from her sense, I only break further.

What was it about me that bored her? Was I too clingy? Too pushy? Too loud? Too cheesy? What exactly was I doing wrong for her to easily fall out of love with me? What is it that's bad about me? What is it that snatched her away from me? I could never understand, and the more I attempt to; the quicker I break down.

"Another one. " I say to the man in front of me and he stares at me for a while before he gives in and pours another shot into my glass.

I take it without hesitation and gush it down my throat, welcoming the familiar burn as I slam the glass on the table before me. And yet, it isn't enough. It's never enough. Nothing is ever enough to stop these thoughts about her. These images of her.

I've been here and I've lost count of the number of shots I've had to bury all thoughts about her, but it seems like the more I try to, the stronger the thoughts get. Who said healing is the best part of heartache? It isn't. It's the worst part of it. Especially when your heart doesn't want to heal. When your heart goes against your will and decides to hold onto painful memories. Healing is a stage that I've never been able to get through because every single time I take a step forward, I end up taking five backwards.

She's everywhere. On my mind. In my thoughts. In my dreams. She doesn't let me have my peace, and why's she doing that to me? Why is she doing this when she doesn't want me anymore? Why do I remain drawn to her every single time I see her? Why the fuck do I still want her arms around me every time I take a secret glance at her? Why? Why won't it stop? Just why?

Turning away from the bartender, I stare at the view of bodies sliding against each other with loud voices in the air.

I move from my seat and I only take a step forward before I'm in front of a girl.

"Um... Do I know you?" She asks and I don't give a response as I yank her towards me by the front of her top and close my lips over hers. Her lips feel soft against mine, but they're not the softness I'm familiar with. My heart doesn't jump in my chest as it does with her, and my body doesn't tremble in excitement as it does with her.

"The fuck? Did you just fucking kiss my girlfriend?" I'm pulled by the neck and I blink my eyes at the angry-looking guy who stands in front of me. Then an odd feeling washes over me. I feel her presence before I hear her voice. She's here. She's right here. The source of my nightmares.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing to her?" I don't know what's happening, but I know she's here and the grip the other guy has on me loosens, causing me to fall against the stool behind me.

There are voices. Shouting and echoing. I can't make sense of what they're saying, but I recognize her voice amidst them. Why's she here? Why did she come here?

"Are you okay?" It's her. God, it's that sweet voice of hers.

Balancing my hands on the stool, I twist my head in the direction of her voice and her bright blue hair is the first thing that comes into view, before I make out the outline of her face.

"No, " I shake my head as I look away. When I look back at her, she's standing a step away, and my eyes roam down her body. I'm not hallucinating. Aliya is really here. Her eyes are on me. She's speaking to me.

"Go away. " I grumble, clasping a hand around the stool.

"Sage, you're drunk. You need to come with me. " Her voice echoes above and I let out a chuckle as I raise my head, lifting my body from the stool and staggering backwards as I lose my feet, but she's quick to catch me, wrapping her arms around me with panic covering her face when I meet her eyes.

"Sage—" she starts, and I don't think before I do it. I lean forward, and take her lips in mine, feeling the familiar taste of her. Strawberry rolled in vanilla. This is what I've been craving. This is the taste I've been dying for; not the one I had earlier, or the one I've been trying to get my mind off her with. This is the taste of the girl I desire and the only taste that can make everything alright.

"Sage!" She pushes me back, detaching her lips from mine. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Why?" I lift a brow, struggling to adjust in her arms. "Did your desires for my body left along with your love for me?"

"This isn't you, Sage. You're drunk. " She says and I shake my head. "You're wrong, baby. This is me. This is the me that's left after you fucked me up! This is what you've made me into!" I watch as she takes a look around us before she looks back at me.

"Come on. I'll get you out of here. " She tells me and I jerk her hold from my waist, taking a step back, only to end up tripping over my feet and Aliya is by my side again.

"Sage, please. " She begs, warm brown eyes staring down at me. The same eyes that tricked me into falling for her. My gaze moves down to her nose, and her lips. Full, inviting lips. I want another taste. I need another taste.

I lift my hand to her face, and she flinches slightly under my touch, but I don't pull away.

"Sage, " she whispers my name, the way she usually does when my mouth is on her. God, I've missed her. I've missed her so fucking badly, and it's killing me. This need for her in my life is killing me and I don't know what to do.

"Lips. " I mutter as I trace my thumb across her lower lip, feeling the tenderness of the flesh and the urge to sink my teeth into it. To draw blood and give a taste of the pain she's caused. But more than that, to feel her lips against mine again.

"You need to stop, Sage. I don't want to push you and I don't want you to do anything you'll regret. " I lift my gaze to meet her eyes, and I open my mouth. "Do I disgust you that much?"

"Sage, please. Stop. " She says and I smile, lowering my gaze back to her lips. "It didn't seem like I disgust you back when we were together. I guess you were faking that as well; like you faked your love. "

"I never faked my feelings for you, Sage. You know that. "

"Really? Kiss me, then. " I move my head closer to hers, slowly closing the distance between us. "Take me to your place and kiss me. Leave your marks on my body. Do it like you used to. "

"You don't mean that. " She shakes her head and I snicker, applying pressure to my stroke on her lips and I ravel in the wince that leaves her mouth. I lean forward to take her lips, but my head ends on her shoulder and I feel her hands move from my waist to my back.

"It hurts, " I whisper as I shut my eyes, turning my head to the other side to hide my face in her neck. "Hurts so much, Aliya. I wish I never met you. I wish you—" I don't hear myself anymore as silence takes over my senses.

EMERSON.

"Do you like it?" I ask her, my fingers pressing into her side as I stare at her swollen lips from how hard I suck on them and Eva twists her head to take a look at the balloons before she drops her gaze back to me, "Like it? I fucking love it. "

"I wanted to get white ones since white is your favourite colour, but red matches everything better. "

"I love the fact that they are red, " she assures me. "And this too. It smells so nice. " She says as she takes a sniff of the rose and I press my nose into her hair before I take the rose from her when she moves back. I tuck her rose behind her ear and she lifts her gaze, blinking innocently at me.

"You look pretty. " I whisper and she raises her shoulders right by the left in a cheerful manner. "I know. "

"Come here. " She locks her hands around my neck, fingers threading through my curls, and the familiar rush of excitement streams through me, like it usually whenever she does that. I lift her in my arms and she wraps her legs tightly around me, while I drop a hand around her head and the other to her back to steady her as I mash my lips against hers. It's a hot tangle of our tongues, and our strong desires for each other swim around us as I drop my hand from her back to her side, trying to lift her dress but Eva pulls back, taking her sweetness with her.

"You're not about to fuck me in a bookstore that just opened, are you?" She arches her brows and I say, "I don't see any reason why I should hold back?"

She swats my chest, and drops to her feet. "They let you take this place to have a nice romantic surprise. Not to fuck in it, and leave them to come to the smell of sex. "

I drop my hands to her ass, pulling her back to my chest as I say, "They won't know that, Eva. "

"I'm not fucking you in here, Emerson. " She insists, moving out of my hold. "

"Okay, fine. Let's go home. " I tell her, knowing if we stay another second; it'll be me convincing her to let me take her right here.

"Right now? I thought we were going to go through some books?"

"Stay another second and it'll be my cock looking through you. " I say and redness coats her cheeks as she parts her lips, "Let me grab one of the balloons at least. "

"I'll get you more later. Come on. " I grab her hand, leading her out of the store and into the car.

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