I Will Escape novel Chapter 30

I close my eyes and I concentrate on positivity, how life was before all this happened, when I had my parents and their love was unconditional. How they were always there for me no matter what they held my hand through it all until the very end. My mom was always wanting to do things with me. We did everything together. She drove me nuts on how obsessive she was, always wanting to be right there doing everything with me, and now I wish I would have left her alone and not given her so much shit. I feel overwhelmed with emotion thinking about my mom. Tears start flowing down my cheeks and I snap out of it. I lose all my concentration and just bawl. Damn it I am so mad at myself. I let my emotions get a hold of me and I lost my concentration. Now I'm going to have to start from the beginning.

I hear a knock at the door. It opens and it's Beta. He says, “Please come join us for lunch.”

I ask, “What are we having,” with instant regret. He doesn't respond. Then I realize shit I'm only allowed to speak at the table. Feeling dumb I know that I am going to be getting in trouble for speaking out of turn because of his dumb fucking rules. 

As we get to the dining room table I sit down. I say hi to Tonya, and she responds, “Good evening. Lunch is being served.” I hurry and eat and ask to be excused. I've gone back to my bedroom.

I want to hurry and rush back to my room, so I can continue my meditation and concentrate on getting Jazz back. The most important thing to me at this point in time. I sit down and try to relax, but I am over excited knowing that I am able to bring Jazz back. My relaxation isn't going as I wanted it to. I am not sure what I should be thinking about or even concentrate on, so, I try to think about my family and being together as a family. My dad worked so much that he was not around very much, but he was still an amazing dad. I know that he loved me more than anything in this world and I just wish that I got to know him better like my mother, but his reasoning on not being home was always to make sure that we were always taken care of. When I think of my parents sadness overcomes me knowing that I am never going to see them again. I had such a happy life, but thinking about that life just overwhelms me with emotion.

I get up off the floor and go into the bathroom. I decided to take a bath, so I turned the water on to warm it up. As I am getting undressed I can hear the door unlock and the words, “I'm back my sweet Sabrina.” I pretend I don't hear him and lay down in the tub. Of course, he barges in, and smirks at me while I am laying in the tub. He then says, “Oh my God Sabrina, you are just so beautiful.” I don't respond to him, I just nod my head not knowing if I'm even allowed to respond to him. He then starts taking off his clothes and says, “Mind if I join you? Answer me Sabrina.” 

I want to tell him to go to hell, but I don't. I want to be able to concentrate on getting Jazz back and not dealing with consequences in the process of it. I respond, “Of course Alpha.” I throw up a little in my mouth saying those words.