Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 44

Nunchi (눈치)

- the subtle art of listening and gauging others' moods; the ability to know what not to say in a certain social situation

Origin: Korean

44

"Yeah I'm going." I say.

Tracy looks at me. "Yes!" She rejoiced.

I tried to comb my hair and gaze at my own reflection. I'm obviously preparing myself for tonight because I know I need to party and unwind.

"Been wanting to hear that coming from you without being forced by me." She said while laughing.

I smile as I fix my mini skirt. She looks at me. "Wow. You're showing more skin."

"Is it a bad thing?" I asked.

She shakes her head. "No. You'll definitely be a jaw dropper. I love your sleeveless too. It looks so fancy."

I smiled. "Thanks."

I let Tracy put make up on me but not too much. Just a little make up that looks like I didn't put any make up. When we were done preparing, we headed out of the dorm and got into Romeo's car. Penny was there as usual but I really didn't bother her presence as if she wasn't here with us. She will ruin my night if I'll listen to her. I kept talking with Tracy and I noticed that Romeo and Megan were already getting friendly to me too which was a good thing. I don't really have the need to be friends with Penny cos I don't like her and she doesn't like me so I didn't dare on faking it with her.

It was a Saturday night and since I finished my project with Dustin last night, I'm heading to another frat party over Nick's cos I want to get loose. I know I told myself that I need to get some sleep, but I won't miss this night not to party. I don't know why I wanted to go either and even though he didn't invite me, I'm still going cos I need to unwind what has been bugging me these days. I need to shake it off. I needed to forget.

When we arrived the frat house, we marched our way inside and as always it's packed and loud. Of course, all those kissy couples wouldn't be missing this one out and those bitchy blondes were partying like it was their last night. Now it makes me wonder how would Nick ignore these kind of women at this party, I mean look at them. They're almost wearing nothing cos of that croptops and very skimpy shorts. Their boobs are showing. They smell liqour mixing with scenty Victoria's Secret perfume.

Obviously.

We headed to the couch where we sat down the last time. It's always vacant, or either if someone was there, they would leave the second when they see us entering the door. It was like we own that couch which was cool. Tracy handed me a red cup and unlike before, I didn't drink it but now that I know what it taste, I quickly took a sip from it.

I kept on looking around, searching for Nick but he's nowhere to be seen. The others started playing truth or dare but I didn't join since there were lots of other players. I finished my first cup and grabbed another one. Tracy's eyes dilated.

"Wow. Slow down there." She jokes.

I smile. "I need this. School is driving me nuts." And your brother is driving me crazier.

She laughs. "Cheers."

We raise and clink our cups together. The night passed by and I wasted all my time here sitting on this stupid couch with another cup. No sight of Nick or Alec.

"I need to take a pee." I say.

Tracy nods at me and tells me to hurry. I quickly pulled myself up from the couch. I wasn't really going to pee, I just wanted to walk around to look for Nick. Penny wasn't joining the truth or dare so I'm thinking they're together. I continued pushing myself into the crowd of dancing people while my eyes were looking everywhere.

There I saw Penny making out with another man on the dance floor who I don't know. Good, it means they're not together. I continued walking and searching for Nick. If I could spot Alec, I'm sure Nick is there. I headed to the kitchen and there I find Aries playing beer pong. I looked around to find Nick but he's not here. Aries didn't see me so I left the kitchen. I don't know why I'm looking for Nick. I just feel the need to see him to make sure who he's with. What if he's getting back at me cos he saw me with Dustin? Though I know Nick isn't that kind of man but I still wanted to make sure he's with Alec.

"Where is that guy?" I asked myself.

My eyes caught a movement from afar. I moved my head to the backdoor where it leads to the backyard and the pool. Alec had two cans of beer on his hand while he sits down on the bench placed at the porch. His back was facing the glass door and I see Nick's brownish-blondish hair.

I hurriedly walked to where they were sitting and carefully opened the door. I noticed that nobody was around the backyard, I think they closed this part of the house from the party. Now that I know who he's with, I decided to go. As I was about to leave...

"How's it going with you and Savannah, bro?" Alec starts while he opens his can.

I was taken aback. Alec knows?

I know I need to hear this conversation between him and Nick cos they are talking about me and what I have with him. What if I was a bet? I was their bet?

"What the hell do you mean?" Nick asked.

Alec laughs. "Oh come on Nick. I've known you since you were five. I know something's up with you and Savannah."

Yes Alec. Something is up and I don't know where it's going anymore.

Nick takes a drink from his beer and exhales. "It's nothing as serious with what I have with Catherine."

Ouch. Even though it's true, it still hurts.

"So you and Savannah are just... Screwing each other?" Alec asked.

Nick nods.

Alec chuckles. "Oh god I knew it. I know something was happening between you and her. I just didn't mind it."

I watch them as they take a drink from their beers together. I wonder why they are here. They should be inside, enjoying the party and just have fun. But they're here, talking about me.

"How long has it been?" Alec asks.

"A while." Nick answers.

I admire how Nick is so honest and on exact point with Alec. I'm seriously jealous about it. I can't even ask him one question about his past but Alec could do it so easily. I wish I could do that. I wish he could answer the questions in my head cos it's bugging me more and more.

"If you could choose between the two, Catherine or Savannah?" Alec asks.

Oh god why did Alec ask that? I'm not ready to hear Nick's answer. I just know what he's going to say.

"I mean, it's not about who's greater in bed or what. But you know, about--"

"What the hell is that question Alec? I don't have to choose. It's always Catherine. It's always gonna be her. It's just Savannah anyways."

Too much honesty.

I wanted him to at least take a pause before he could answer so he could at least think who. At least it could make me feel that he's having a hard time choosing but no, he even cut off Alec. I'm hurting and it's getting worst every single time.

"Do you love her?" Alec asked. Obviously he's talking about me.

"Who?" Nick still asked.

"Savannah."

Nick shakes his head slowly in response. It's starting to kill me little by little. I don't know why I'm still listening to this conversation. I should leave cos it's already too much. I know he doesn't love me, but the thought that he's with Alec, I'm sure he's talking about it with honesty.

"Are you even planning to?" Alec asked.

Alec asks the questions I have been wanting to ask Nick so badly. I study Nick. He took a pause for a few seconds to take a drink from his beer. He exhales.

"No." Nick answers.

My

Tears

Are

Falling.

He's not even planning on loving me.

I know he would say that. I already know his answer but I wished he would at least say maybe. But he sounded so sure of it and it hurts like burning hell. The fact that he's being honest with Alec cos they know it's just the two of them together here proves that he really cannot love me.

He's not even trying to plan about it.

Why are you still listening Savannah? Why do you love it when Nick is hurting you? Why do you want a guy like Nick?

"Savannah I didn't know you're here." A voice came from behind me blurted out.

Nick and Alec turned their heads around and caught me eavesdropping. My tears were still on my cheeks. Alec looks at me pitifully then he looks over at Nick who never left his gaze at my eyes. I wiped my tears away and shut the door close. I walked away quickly. I hear Billy calling out to me again. I continued walking and walking and ignored the people I left by the backdoor. I don't know where I was going and I don't know where my feet were leading me but I know I need to leave. I need to get out of this house. I need to get away. I embarrassed myself in front of Alec. Until I bumped into someone.

"Sorry." I say.

I pulled my head up.

It was Aries.

"Hey angel. Whoa. You okay? Did you cry? What happened?" He asked right away. "Did some random guy harass you?" He holds the side of my shoulders.

I shake my head but my tears are still falling down on my cheeks. He wipes them away and the look on his face makes me think he pity me. I even pity myself more cos of what I heard.

"What happened?" He asks again.

"I just wanna leave this place." I answered.

"Savannah." It was Nick's voice.

I turned my head to my right and saw him walking closer to us. I quickly walked behind Aries to cover myself from Nick. I don't want to go with him tonight. I don't want to be with him cos I'm hurting and it's already too much. It's too much that it's consuming all of me. It's eating me alive.

"I'll drive her home." Nick says.

Aries gazed at me over his shoulder. "She's not going home yet. I'm actually taking her with me somewhere else."

Aries grabs my wrist and pulled me out of the house and I let him drag me along. We marched towards his car and I was letting him pull me cos I feel like I lost my ability to think straight after what I've heard. I don't know where he's taking me but I needed to leave cos I want to get away from here. Away from Nick. Aries opens the passenger door for me and I quickly climbed inside. He gets on too and starts the engine right away.

"Where are we going?" I ask.

"Well where do you want to go?" He asked me back.

My phone was buzzing on my hand and I quickly stared at it.

Nick calling...

Oh shit, he's calling. Why is he calling? Why in hell is he calling? I quickly turned off my phone.

"Wanna grab ice cream?" I asked.

I need some thing sweet. It's what girls in my high school usually do when they're heart broken.

Aries nods and starts driving.

When we arrived at an ice cream parlor, I ordered myself a parfait and Aries ordered a glass of juice. He was watching me eat while he sips his drink.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asks.

"I just heard some random guy talk shit about me."

"Who? I'll make him sorry. I'll beat his ass for you. Who's he? Name him."

I smiled weakly.

"It's fine. I don't want to talk about it anymore. He's not really worth it." I say.

"Was it Nick?" He blurted.

I moved my eyes to him but I didn't really pulled my head up fully.

"No." I say weakly.

He didn't ask anything else after that and I was glad he didn't. I won't want him and Nick to be fighting over me, I mean there no reason to anyways. When I was done eating my ice cream, we stayed for a while and just talked for a bit until we left the ice cream parlor. Aries drove me back to the dorm cos I told him to and I thanked him for coming with me even just for a quick while.

I headed out of the elevator and walked to my room while the words that Alec and Nick talked about are still running through my head. I just couldn't get it off of my mind even if I try not to think about it. It still pops out. I feel like my tears are growing again behind my lids and I try to tell myself that he's not worth a tear so I won't cry but I just couldn't stop myself from aching for Nick.

Sometimes I ask myself if Nick even worth it in the end? If all this hurt that I'm going through right now is worth it. But then my stupid heart tells me that it'll all pay off in the end. Silly right? I'm still hoping he could love me despite what I've heard a while ago and how he said it so naturally. Maybe I'm still hoping that Nick was only saying that to get all off of his shoulder but the fact that Nick said it so seriously, just killed me.

Why does he always hurt me?

Finally, I reached outside of my dorm. I slide my keys and opened the door but I almost took a step back when I saw a huge shadow sitting on my bed. I quickly turned on the lights to see who it was.

Nick.

__________

SFTC:

Precious Lie - Cary Brothers