The Female Alpha’s Sanctuary novel Chapter 204

Chapter 204
My wolf whined in agony, her head dropping low as Raizel’s wolf rubbed himself against her.
“But it wasn’t enough because they had to take her too.”
I curled my hands around his arm.
“They took Lila. And you know whats the worst part? I saw it happen. Draxyn, Xeneron’s commander, ripped into her small body. He didn’t give her a quick death. Probably because he wanted me to think I had a chance. So I fought him, managed to knock him out and carried her as far as I could. Ran straight toward the pack borders hoping the neighboring pack could help. I was so desperate. So desperate to save her life. I prayed to the Goddess, begging her to take me instead. I reached out to my parents, to Hestia, hoping one one of them would answer. They didn’t. So I reached out to the last person who could help me. I reached out to him. To Landon.”
Memories flash through my mind before I could stop it. The memories I didn’t do well in shielding away from him.
I know he saw them.
I know Raizel saw them.
His body goes frigid and although there was no use in saying it out loud, I felt compelled to.
“I tried to call for him, but he ignored me. He mated my sister. Marked her as she did him. With Lila dying in my arms, bleeding out to death as I pushed myself to keep running, they’ve bonded. I couldn’t handle it. My body couldn’t handle it. It was too much. I couldnt keep myself going because I was so weak. I couldn’t move. Couldn’t speak. The only thing I could remember was Lila. I passed out, and the next time I opened my eyes it was too late.”
“I woke up in Greyhound. Meredith was there. She found me outside of their borders, said I was only six minutes away from reaching them. If I hadn’t passed out, I could’ve saved her. I’m not st upid, the chances were slim but still, a chance was a chance. A chance I would’ve given anything for. Meredith offered me to take my place in Greyhound. To avenge the deaths of Duskfall. And I took it. Found Isaac, Bentley’s son, and began again. I was the only one who lived from Duskfall and I wasn’t even formally a Duskfall member yet.”
I hold my breath, knowing dam n well I could just barely hold on. I couldn’t say anything more, think anything more. I’ve laid out my cards to him. My faults. My weakness. Everything.
I waited for some kind of disgust to pulse in our bond.
To feel some sort of pity.
Anything.
But instead, i feel him turn me so that i was facing him and crushed me into his chest. He held onto me so tight, arms bound around me like steel as he breathed out a ragged breath. His warm breath fans over my skin in our silence.
“My little wildflower is so strong.”
He whispers, kissing my face as he held my head between his hands.
“You are not weak. Not then, and not now. You were never weak, my love. You were always strong.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that.
A p athetic, broken laugh as I stared up at him.
“Don’t lie to me, Raizel. You know I wasn’t. I couldn’t save any of them. I couldn’t save her. I was
weak. Not strong. Never strong.”
He shakes his head, cupping my cheek gently before pressing his forehead against mine. The tip of his nose bumps with mine but I don’t pull away. Not even when I know he’s going to deny everything. I’ve said.
“The woman who’d been pushed down in every way in her pack for eighteen years without once. hating the life she was given is not weak. The woman who saw the the brighter part of every bad situation is not weak. The woman who never hated her sister for having everything she didn’t is not weak. The woman who killed a man about to r ape a little girl is not weak. The woman who chose to stand for herself, to pick herself up after life drowned her in sorrow is not weak. The woman who sits before me is not weak. My Selene is not weak. Not then, now and ever. She is not weak. Being mortal is not weak.”
The roughness in his voice, the surety in his tone almost makes me believe him.
Almost.
“Even when I failed them?”
My voice broke,
“Even when I couldn’t save a single person? Even if I couldn’t stay awake for six measly minutes?”
Raizel shakes his head, curling his fingers in my hair. He scrapes his nails gently across my scalp, trying his best to comfort me despite the growing tension in the air,
“Any wolf who had to suffer their mate marking someone else would have been the same. Especially an unmarked mate. No wolf can withstand that pain, not even an Alpha.”
I open my m outh to object but he continues,
“A woman who treated an abused pup like she was her own, gave her a reason to smile and loved her like a daughter is not weak. Without you, Lila wouldn’t have opened up. Bentley wouldve been lonely. If you hadn’t picked yourself up, Isaac would’ve been a drifter. He would’ve been alone, wandering around and essentially becoming rogue. A Gamma trained wolf like him would never be accepted in a pack for the fear of tension with another wolf. Not unless he found his mate but even. then it would be a problem. He wouldn’t have the home you gave him. Noah would have went abroad had you not picked him as Beta. He would’ve joined his sister in Europe and quite possibly have never met his mate. Had you not been strong. Meredith would not have an heir. Greyhound would have been fought over. Challenges for the land would have come. Wolves were taking note of her aging, some already conspired ploys about her territory. She would’ve been killed, Selene. You were not weak. You rose to the challenge, picked yourself up after countless times and that alone is strength. You could’ve very easily given up. Allowed yourself to wither away or beg to come back to Nightwake. But you didn’t. You pushed yourself to stand on your feet. To strive for better. You are strong, Selene. You always were.”