Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 63

Atelophobia

- the fear of being not good enough

63

When we went back home on the twenty-sixth of the December morning, Nick didn't go with us anymore. He said Tracy had already got back to their old house earlier than he thought and he needed to be there cos he has the house key. I wanted to come along with him cos Im sure it's going to be alot more fun with them but then he won't let me cos he said I needed to spend my Christmas break with my family since I have been busy with school and I have been away. He said he'll see me after the Christmas break. I still have six more days left before I could see him again.

I sit on my chair, right outside our living room's balcony while I was finished reading this novel that Cameron gave me yesterday. It was a story that something I can relate to and I hated Cameron for giving me such book cos it had a wickedly heartbreaking ending. I had a cup of tea beside me as I fix my scarf and cardigan on me. I stare at the sky, tonight was already New Year's Eve and I was so sad that I can't spend it with Nick and he hasn't even tried contacting me which was the worst.

"Little sis?"

I looked around to find Cameron joining me outside the balcony. He sits down on the chair across me. "How's the book?"

"Forbidden love. I get it Ron. You're telling me that I can't be with Nick cos he's not one of us." I spit.

"I didn't mean it that way. I bought that months ago. It was pure coincidence."

I rolled my eyes at him.

"Hey, do you really love him?" He asked.

"If I tell you yes will you stop annoying me about it? And just accept the fact that I am madly in love with Nick?"

He sighs. "Look, I didn't even tell mom and dad about what I saw that morning and you owe me for that. Remeber how you told her about that party when I drove you to WSU for the first time? Yours is much worst than mine but I didn't tell her that you and that guy fucked on your bed."

I blushed. "Cameron! Lower your voice down will you?" I could still remember how Cameron looked at us when he saw me and Nick both naked on one bed.

"I didn't even hit him for that. You're my goddamn sister Savannah and you're too young for him but you're engaging on stuff like that. I know you're old enough, that's what I told mom too when he caught me fucking some girl in my bed."

I gaped. "Mom caught you?"

He nods.

"Oh my god this is good. I didn't know. How old were you?" I asked.

"I was sixteen."

I bursted into laughter. "How did mom react to that?"

"Savannah this isn't about me. Nice try distracting me. But this is about you. Okay? You're different." He clarified.

I looked away.

"You're a girl and you're my little sister for crying out loud. You're not a brother so you don't know what I felt when I saw you fully naked in one bed with a man that I hate the most in the world. But did you even hear a word coming from me? No. Right? Even if I hated what I saw that day I didn't say anything cos I know you love him and I know he makes you happy." He says seriously.

I smiled and just nod.

"I'm not saying that I'm not mad at him anymore cos I don't know how long have you both been doing it and I don't wanna know how long cos it's your thing but I am still mad at him. If he ever hurt you, I'll kick his ass and make him sorry. You're too young to be engaging on sex like that and he's too old." He added.

I got quiet cos I know Cameron clearly has a point but then I didn't think I could ever talk this kind of matter with my older brother and he's just showing how really truly concerned he is for me.

"And please tell me you always use rubbers." he blurted.

My brows creasing, "Rubbers?"

He leans forward, "Condoms?"

My brows shoot up. "Oh yes. All the time. Yes. Cameron come on I know stuff like that. He knows stuff like that."

He nods then rests his back again on his chair. He's assured.

"Ron I love Nick." I blurted out.

"I know. Nobody can stop you from feeling that way, not even mom and dad can do it, and Im sure as hell not even me, but I just want you to be careful. You don't know him that much."

"I do know him. He told me everything I need to know Ron."

"I just wish it was everything."

I sigh. "I trust Nick. I love him so much and I have never loved any guy like this before. I love him Ron. I loved every ugly part of his past. I love him."

He smiles ruefully. "You're too in love of him. Now I see you're already growing up. Gosh, I need to get used to that."

I smiled.

"I could still remember how you'd walk around the entire house naked when you were eight." He says.

"Oh shut up Ron. Please. Just stop it. Don't remind me." I laughed.

"And remember how a bubble of mucus comes off your nose when you laugh?" He bursted into laughter.

"Shut up. You pooped your underwear when you were ten and eleven."

"Oh I did not!"

I laughed. "Did to. And how you'd pee on your bedsheets when you were five?"

"God I was five!"

"Touché."

Both of us just laughed.

•••••

Later that night, I was all dressed to celebrate New Year's Eve with my family. We had a delicious meal prepared on the table and it was almost twelve but not a text from Nick since yesterday morning. I wonder where he is. There he goes again, he's not telling me where he is. He might be forgetting that we're in a relationship now and he can't just leave me like this without telling me where he is.

"Three! Two! One!" All of them counted together down and screamed, "Happy New Year!"

We hugged each other as the fireworks display brightened the night sky. We greeted each other happy new year and just had a glass of wine but juice on Ingrid's. She was on Cameron's arm.

"Annie, where's Nick?" She asked.

I smiled ruefully at her while mom and dad were looking at me. "He's spending time with his sister."

"Ow! He has a sister? How old is she? Is she as old like me?" Ingrid asked.

"No Ingrid. She's a little bit older. She's twenty but I'm sure she will like you."

"I hope to meet her someday." Ingrid says.

Almost one in the morning all of us headed up to our rooms. I stepped out of the restroom and just finished taking a shower. I hurriedly put some baggy shirt on and a silky shorts under it. My phone suddenly vibrated on top of my drawer, I hurriedly rushed to it.

Nick calling...

"Where in hell are you?" I exclaimed.

"I'm outside your gate." He says.

I rushed near my window to look for his car but I couldn't see no headlights on.

"Are you joking with me Nick? There's no fucking car there. You know, you're always gone for days and you don't tell me where you go to. Well Nick if you forgot, I'm your girlfriend now and I hate being clingy but you leave me with no choice. I. Am. Worried." I say.

"Baby I'll explain later. I've been here waiting for you since eight in the evening. I was just waiting for a perfect time. You were even wearing a golden yellow cardigan a while ago."

I smiled. "It was a pale yellow sweater."

"Still a yellow. Same hue, yellow. Cardigan and sweater are similar too." He says.

I smiled.

"I'm really outside your gate baby. I'm not lying. I don't want your dad to know I'm here cos I'm sure he won't let you go out after twelve." He says.

I smiled again cos he's being so cute.

A knock came by the door, "Someone's by the door. Don't hang up." I say.

"Alright babe."

I rushed to the door, hoping it won't be dad cos I'll be dead if he found out about Nick being outside our gate.

"Ron?" I asked surprisingly.

"Your boyfriend is outside." He says.

"How'd you know?"

"I've been in his shoes before Annie. I once tried to sneak out my girlfriend too. Now go before I change my mind and dad wakes up." Cameron says.

I threw myself to Cameron and hugged him. "Thank you thank you thank you."

I kissed his cheek. "I love you Ron."

"I love you too and I know you've been caged by mom and dad too much and I want you to be happy even though I hate your boyfriend. That's why go and please wear something appropriate."

I smile and nodded. I kissed his cheek quickly. "You're the best ever."

I rushed back inside my room and grabbed something appropriate to wear for the crisp weather of the New Year's Day. The first day of the new year and Im spending it with Nick Wilde.

"I'm on my way out." I tell Nick over the phone.

"Alright baby. Im just waiting."

"I'm still mad at you." I hissed.

I rushed out of the house quietly and headed to the gates. I begged the guard who was guarding up not to tell dad or mom that I'm sneaking out and he said Cameron already talked to him not to say anything about this. I rejoiced. I hurriedly went inside Nick's passenger seat and shivered.

"Feeling cold babe?" He asked as he turned on the heater.

I just nod. "Where were you? No text? Calls?" I arched my eyebrow at him.

He reaches for my hand and held it. "You do know it's a long drive from my town to your home right?"

"You can't stop by or be stuck in traffic even think about caring for a text or a call to your girlfriend?"

"Baby, I wanted to surprise you. The essence of surprising you wont be the same anymore if I tell you about it. Sorry. Don't be mad. Please. I'm sorry."

"Just drive." I spit.

He started driving away far from home until we reached on an open grass field. He parked his car and his headlights was the only thing lighting the place. Both of us headed out of the car and there were snow everywhere on the ground. He pulled off his scarf and placed it around me then placed his black trench coat over my shoulders.

"Warmer babe?" He asked.

I just nodded, acting like I'm still mad.

"Cmon. Cmon." He says as he grabs my hand while he's holding something on his other hand.

We walked a little further from the car and he placed down the box on the ground. He laid out the fireworks.

"You do know it's past twelve?" I said.

"Yes. But!" He snapped as he did grabbed his phone and did something on it.

"Im setting my phone to 11:59PM. We're going back one hour. We missed the countdown together and we missed watching fireworks together." He says.

I smiled at him.

"Ready?" He asked with a smile.

I nod.

"Alright here it goes. Twenty more seconds." He holds my hand together with his while he was rubbing my hands and blows it with his warm breath.

I'm excited even if it's already late but still the thought of him driving all the way here to spend New Year's Day with me just makes me forget that I'm mad at him.

"Five.." he starts.

"Four! Three! Two! One!" We counted together. "Happy new year!!!"

He quickly lit up the fireworks and it blew up to the sky. I squealed as it makes a loud thudding sounds right after the other. Different colors and hues filled the sky as it brightens our faces. I wrapped my arms around his body tightly and he was holding onto me too. We watched the beautiful fireworks together. I moved my head up to him and he looks down at me.

"Happy new year babe." He says as he kiss my forehead.

"Happy new year baby."

He leaned over to me and kissed my lips. I held the back of his neck and he dips his lips deeper into my mouth as I feel his tongue swirling around my tongue. "Im glad I spent the first day of the new year with you Savannah."

I smiled at him, "Me too Nick. I'm so happy right now. Last year was the best year cos I met you."

He kissed my forehead, "Me too baby. Me too."

We watched the fireworks for a while and then he thought of something out of the blue as soon as the fireworks starts to end.

"Wanna slow dance?" He asked.

I paused but then nodded anyways.

I wrapped my arms around his neck while both of his hands were on my waist. Our bodies were very close to each other as we dance slowly even though there was no music. His eyes looks around my face but my eyes were glued into his winter blue eyes. He's always and will be perfect to me despite of what happened to him eight years ago.

"It's weird. There's no music." I finally blurted.

"Wise men say only fools rush in.." Nick starts singing.

I smile and he smiles back. Nick's voice was deep but sexy as he sings to me.

"You're such a classic." I say.

"Ssshhh, Im singing. I never sang to anyone before." he tells me.

I nod to let him continue.

"But I can't help falling in love with you.." he kissed my forehead.

We swayed a little more and every move we make was getting more and more intimate but we didn't mind it anyways.

"Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?

If I can't help falling in love with you.."

I look into his blue eyes like I'm looking through his soul and he was locking his gaze into me too. I tugged the back of his hair as he hums the rest of the song while we keep on swaying. I rested my head on his chest cos I want to listen to his heartbeat. It was calm and beats along with my heart. I'm safe with Nick. I'll always be safe with Nick. Always and only with him.

"Take my hand, take my whole life too

for I can't help falling in love with you.."

He slowly spins me around and pulls me back close to his body. He kissed the top of my head and I can't help but smile cos both of us are undeniably and inseparably in love with each other.

"I love you Savannah. I hope you know that, no matter what happens in the future." He says.

I pulled my head up. "Why? What do you mean by that? Why do I sense that something is wrong Nick?"

He smiled. "Nothing is wrong baby."

"Are you going somewhere babe that you aren't telling me?"

He laughs. "No. I'm not."

I arched my eyebrow.

"Baby I'm not. I promise I'm not going anywhere." He looks at me.

"Promise?" I asked.

He nods. "We aren't sure of what's in store for the future for us but I just want you to know that I love you."

"I love you too Nick."

__________

SFTC:

You and I - One Direction