The beast and the blessed novel by Ashley Breanne novel Chapter 116

Eleven: Tobias

Tobias's P.O.V.

She had wanted me, and I had pushed her away.

She was done waiting. I was out of time.

I knew with every beat of my heart and breath in my lungs that I wanted her to be mine. Everything about her drew me in, called to me. She was the embodiment of seduction. But she was also funny, intelligent, and loyal. Every time we spoke, all of my responsibilities vanished from my mind, and I just wanted to spend all of my time with her.

Even Ana didn't make me feel this way; that had been a hard pill to swallow. I had tried so hard to protect her and to love her. But I had failed on both accounts. It was unnatural. It was against the will of the Goddess.

My beast felt the pull to Ana, but my mind had always been on Joselin. For that, I would never be able to let Ana go. The guilt alone was too much for me.

I ripped open the door to my father's house. The musty smell of the abandoned property made my nose wrinkle in disgust. It had been so long since I had been here. I hated doing it. It always brought back too many memories.

Yet, I also hadn't built up the courage to fix the place, so I could sell it. It was mine now that my father was gone, but the horrific memories inside made me want to burn the place down instead. I didn't want to have to go through and renovate it to hide the horrors of my past.

I was physically strong enough to do it, but I didn’t know if my mind could handle it. The easiest of the issues would be the scratches on the inside of the door and walls of the closet in my childhood bedroom.

The most difficult would be having to rip up the flooring and replace it to hide the blood stains on the first floor.

I had thought I could mentally prepare myself to move on and offer Joselin everything she could ever want. It didn't seem possible with the ghosts of my past still here. Maybe this was the closure I needed.

I had always hated this house. Every room was walled off from the others, making it darker than I'd like. The closed off floor-plan was exactly what I had avoided when I purchased my current home.

We had a few things in common, Joselin and I. Our horrific upbringing was what we had bonded over when I found her. Soon after, she became my best friend, my only escape. I had hoped for her to be my future as well.

Then I found Ana, and it felt wrong to spend time with Joselin.

Now, Ana was gone, and the only thing stopping me was my guilt.

The only way to move on was to let go of Ana. She wasn't here to forgive me anymore. I could beg and plead to the Goddess until the words lost all meaning, and I had, but it made no difference.

I glanced down at the discolored wood.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I will take care of it. Tomorrow I would get my closure so I could move on.

I walked to the front window, cracking it open to air out the house a little while I was gone before locking it behind me and leaving.

It was for me. It was for Joselin. It didn't matter if I felt I couldn't do it yet; I couldn't face those demons. I had to do it.

If I didn't, I would lose her forever.

I glanced back at the castle over the buildings, seeing her tower. She should be here with me, or I should be there with her. Instead, I was alone, and she was alone. How would it feel to crawl into her bed and wrap my arms around her while she was sleeping? Did she cuddle, or was she a mover, always trying to find a comfortable position?

Was she sleeping right now or still working on her spell?

As soon as I got home, I flopped down on my bed. The horrors that awaited me were always the same, one memory or another. I closed my eyes, threw my forearm over them, and drifted asleep within seconds, not bothering to turn off the light.

***

I could hear him. His voice was low and deadly as he scolded her. Her sweet innocence could have gotten her out of anything unless it was with him. He despised her kind. She was a disgrace to this family. A human mate would dilute his perfect Lycan bloodline. He repeatedly reminded me of that while trying to force me to reject our bond.

I thought she was beautiful.

Ana.

I found her when I had first shifted at fourteen. We were lucky like that.

Regular wolves had to wait longer, but Lycans... Lycans were stronger and shifted as soon as their beasts were ready. I had seen some of my pack mates undergo the change as early as nine. We could find our mates at any time after that. It was one of the many reasons why we were superior to wolves. Wolves didn't find their mates until they were nineteen.

If the wolf hadn't found their mate, they had to present themselves as a potential breeder for our kind. The Offering is what we called it. It was how King Killian had found Queen Natalie.

I hated The Offering. Attending those and the mating mixers when I knew I had already found my mate was torturous, but no one knew about Ana. After what happened, I wanted to keep it that way.

We had been on patrol to one of the human cities, checking in with our people to ensure everything was running as it should have been. My father had me tag along, wanting me to start learning the ropes as soon as I shifted.

She had been one of the maids cleaning the bunkhouse, working so young at only fifteen. As soon as I walked into my room, I smelled her.

Ana probably thought her life was about to be better. She probably thought I would take her away to the capital, and she would live with me among royalty. She never expected that having me as a mate would mean she would have to deal with my father too.

He was furious.

I was already a disgrace to him, but it was even worse that I had been paired with her.

Yet, he brought her back with us anyway, claiming she was to be a maid in our household. No one knew she was my mate at that time.

I should have known better.