The Dark Side Of Fate by Karima Sa'ad Usman novel Chapter 61

~Leo~

I did not know the meaning of misery until I found myself living in it. Since I learned that Tamia was getting married to Sylvester, my heart has broken into a million pieces.

I was hoping she would come back one day. Most of the northern captives always do. I wanted to right all my wrongs and seek her forgiveness.

I sat on the couch in my living room. I stared at the invitation to the all-region sports games sent to me by the council, and even though we had responded, I was dreading going there. I was going to see Tamia in his arms, and my heart could not bear it.

Amanda came out of her room, and that was when I noticed she had packed her bags.

"Where are you going to? You are almost due." I asked her, and she bowed her head.

"This isn't the life I wanted for myself, Leo. I can't continue living in another woman's shadow. She has moved on, yet you choose to be miserable. I have pleaded with you several times. You have disgraced me and belittled me. Most of the Lunas mock me now. I do not have a title, and neither are we married. Why did you do this to me, Leo?" She said, and I did not know how to start.

"I can't forgive myself for what we did to Tamia. She did not deserve all that happened to her here." I said, confessing my truth, and she sobbed.

"Why?" she asked, and I looked at her.

"I broke every promise I made to her because of you," I said, with my heart wrenching.

"She would have done the same had she found her fated," Amanda said, and I shook my head.

"She was stronger than me in that regard, Amanda. I know Tamia, and she would die before breaking her promise. She would have risked being weak to stay happy with me." I said and bowed my head.

"I was her first. She did not want to get with me because we weren't fated, but I assured her she had nothing to worry about," I said, and after saying it, I saw myself as a deceiver.

"She did not want me, Amanda, but I assured her. I told her I would reject my fated and risk being weak. She trained to be strong because of me, and we used to joke about balancing each other's strength." I said, and Amanda came to sit next to me while I wept.

"I promised her many things and broke everything that day on the balcony when I did not reject you. You came to my home quite alright, but you did not force me to get into your bed. You did not force me to accept the bond or claim you and did not force me to make her share. I lost my way completely and found myself doing things I couldn't even imagine to her. Never spending time with her, refusing to go out with her. I did so many things to her, Amanda; I treated her like a burden. And do you know the twisted part of all of this was that I expected her to bear with me and understand? I was a selfish prick," I said, laughing at myself.

"I hurt her and broke all my promises. I was her first, and I broke everything. I can never forgive myself for what I did to my wife, Amanda. She wanted to have children, and I told her we should wait; I could only understand her pain when she found out you were pregnant. I knew she would be hurt if I did not take the same precautions with you. It was as if I had used her to while away time until my fated came. I had failed completely, so I can't move on, Amanda." I said and looked at her.

"I do not hate or dislike you. If anything, you have been with me through this difficult time, but I can't forgive myself for what I did to Tamia. I saw the pain in her eyes before those men attacked, and I can never shake off the fact that I caused it. That pain was a permanent fixture since the dinner party when I met you. I failed her every single time until there was nothing left to salvage," I said and began to weep.

I had to let out my hurt because, other than being my wife, Tamia was my best friend and confidant. I thought Casper was my best friend, but I was wrong. Tamia was there all along, and I took her for granted. She was always there to lift me up; she had my back and looked out for me. She made me happy and went out of her way to put a smile on my face.

I had never felt so alone in my life. Although I was surrounded by people, I was lonely and sad.

Amanda wrapped her arms around me and let me cry. The irony was that she was the cause of my pain and was trying to comfort me.

"You have to forgive yourself, Leo. Tamia has moved on, and she has found love." She said with a definite tone, meaning she knew something I didn't.

I broke the hug, wiped away my tears, and looked into her eyes.

"How do you know this?" I asked her, and she smiled.

"You forget I schooled in the north. Everyone is talking about the soon-to-be lady of the north. The Wolf Lord is madly in love with her. She presides over council matters. She can do whatever she likes. Recently she went to the west unaccompanied to discuss peace with Alpha Jake. She has moved on Leo, and she is happy. Why can't we do the same?" She said. I was hurt to hear that Tamia was free to move around, and she did not bother to come and see me so we could talk things through.

"She has let you go, Leo; you should do the same," Amanda said, and I shook my head.

"If you think I am lying to you, you will see them at the all-region games; I am sure you will have closure then," she said and stood up.

"As for me, I am going back home. I hoped you would come around, but until you get the closure you want, I know you won't come around," She said, and I stopped her from leaving.

"You will be due soon," I said and placed my hand on her bump.

"I do not want to miss out on this. I want to be there. I want to hold your hand through it, Amanda," I said, and she shook her head, wiping away her tears.

"You do not get to pick and choose, Leo. You are either all in or not," she said, and I understood what she was saying and nodded.

"Please stay and give me time. I will try to make it right." I pleaded with her, and she looked around and wiped away her tears.

"You compare me to her all the time, Leo. You always talk about her; you call her name in your sleep, even when we make love. How much more do you want me to endure? I never wanted this for myself. I have done everything to fit into her shoes. I have been training since they took her. I have studied hard and am a work in progress, but you are not encouraging me or giving me the support I need. You are not helping me, Leo. I am going through the transition alone. I can't continue like this." She said, and I buried my face in her neck close to my mark and sucked gently, making her moan.

I knew I was playing dirty, but I was desperate.

"Please give me time, Amanda. I am begging you." I pleaded with her, and she refused weakly with a moan.

"Please," I said and kissed her neck. Black growled, wanting her and I let him slowly take over.

"Please.." I said and kissed her.

She let down her defences, and Black took over. She was our mate, and we were trying to make her stay.

I woke up to someone banging on my front door.