Love Aint Always Pretty novel Chapter 58

Quatervois

- a crossroad; a critical decision or turning point in one's life.

Origin: French

58

NICK'S POV

SEVEN YEARS AGO

I ran to them and tried to hold Catherine as she groans for pain. I shot her. I'm crying hard and there were more blood. So much blood. Catherine's blood stained her dress as it runs down on my hands.

"Call for help! Call for help!" I yelled at Hans.

Hans stands away and quickly pulled out his phone. I'm shaking. I'm shaking as I hold Catherine on my arms. She smiles weakly as she squints her eyes cos of the pain.

"Catherine.... I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I repeated the same exact words.

"Shhh... It's not your fault Nick. Don't... Arghh.. Don't blame yourself." Catherine says while grunting.

She wipes my tears. "It's not your fault love."

I shake my head in disagreement.

"I'm sorry." I cried.

"My dad won't let me tell you this... But Nick... Y-you're a father now." She holds my shaking hand then placed it on top of her bump.

"This is your baby." She says.

She smiles while tears were crawling out from her eyes. "Our baby."

My head bent down and more tears were coming out from my eyes. I hate myself. I hate myself for what I did.

"If I don't survive..." Catherine says with such shakiness in her voice.

"Don't say that." I begged.

She smiled weakly. "Please... Please save him Nick. Save our baby. Save him for me Nick." She says while crying.

"Promise me you will." She takes a grip on my hand.

I nod and kissed her forehead as I hold her close to my chest.

I shot Catherine.

I shot Catherine.

I put our baby in critical condition.

"Live for me. Live for me and our baby Catherine. I need you. I need both of you. Please live for me. For us. Please. I'm begging you please stay." I kiss her hand.

She smiles and nods. "I will."

As soon as help came, I went with Hans in the ambulance and both of us neither talked to each other. When we arrived at the hospital, I was still holding Catherine's hand while she fell unconscious. I would always kiss her hand and my tears just won't stop from falling. I'm so scared of what I have done. I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose out baby.

"Catherine please be okay. Catherine. Catherine you promised me." I cried.

My hands were still shaking while I hold her hands close to my lips. My lips are trembling too. I kissed her knuckles as my tears were streaming down my face. My tears are just unstoppable. Catherine was unconscious now. She went unconscious during the drive. My heart is racing. Fear is gathering inside my body. I'm scared. I'm so scared of losing her. Hans was also crying but he hasn't talked to me during the entire drive to the hospital.

"Sir I'm sorry but you can't come through this door. Sir please step back." The nurse said to me as he pushed me away.

I ran my fingers through my hair and pulled my hair back. I'm so mad at myself. I shot her. I almost put her to death. Oh god please save Catherine and save my son. Please save our son. Suddenly, I see Alec from the corner of my eyes who ran towards me and Hans.

"Dude I came here as soon as you texted me. Where's Catherine?" Alec asked me as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

I couldn't answer.

"Where is she?" Alec asked again.

"He fucking shot her!! He fucking shot Catherine!" Hans yelled and ran towards me.

Hans grabbed my collar and pushed me hard against the wall. I let him do what he was doing to me. I groaned as he started hitting me but Alec pulled him away from me while some female patients screamed when they saw it. Nurses and some other hospital staff ran towards us and started trying to stop the commotion cos Hans was raging his anger out at me. He tried to throw himself again at me but he was blocked and pulled away.

"Back off dude!" Alec pushed Hans.

"You're gonna pay for this Nick! Once Catherine's father will know about this, you're fucked! If something bad will happen to Catherine, I swear to god you're going to fucking jail!" Hans yelled.

"Let's go Nick. Let's just stay away from here for a second. Cmon." Alec pulls me.

I couldn't find anything to say cos if something will happen to Catherine, I would blame myself too. I let Alec take me somewhere else cos people were looking at me. My clothes are stained with Catherine's dried blood and my hands are stained too. I'm crying too hard and my heart is hurting too much.

"Nick what the fuck did you do?! Nick! God damn it Nick look at me!" Alec moved me to and fro.

My eyes moved to him.

"What the fuck Nick?! Did you really shot Catherine?" Alec asked.

"It... It wasn't suppose to be her." I muffled.

"Oh my god Nick! You mean to say you really wanted to kill Hans?! Are you out of your mind? Didn't you even think you'll end up in jail if you'll do it?!" Alec throws his tantrum at me.

"Hans killed my mother, Alec!! He killed my mom but he got away with it cos he's filthy rich! He paid the witness to shut up. He paid the police station and the detective to close the case!! How am I not gonna do anything about it?!"

"And now look who you shot? You put Catherine in critical condition! What if it will harm Hans' baby, huh?"

I fell down on my knees, "Catherine said that was my baby, Alec." I cried for more as I covered my face with my hands.

"W-what?"

I pulled my head to Alec. "That baby inside her is mine Alec! It's mine!"

Alec squat down right in front me. "It's your baby?"

I just nodded as my tears kept falling and falling. He quickly hugged me and I fell into Alec's arms. He rubbed my spine and I just cried. I didn't care how weak I looked in front of everybody's eyes but I just can't take what I've done.

"I don't know what to do without Catherine, man. I just don't know what to do if... if she's... Oh god." I muffled weakly as my voice was shaking hard.

"I'm so scared Alec. I'm so scared."

Alec pulled himself away and looked at me. "Everything's gonna be okay. Catherine's a strong woman."

••••

I walked back to where I left Hans and as soon as I got back, I saw Catherine's family -- her parents and Jenna. They're all crying and looked worried as hell.

"Mom will Catie be okay?" Jenna asked as tears fall on her cheeks.

"Yes baby. She will. She will be ok. Your sister won't leave us." Mrs. Forster says while she kissed Jenna's hair.

Mr. Forster saw me and moved his head to where I was standing. "You have the guts to stay behind?!"

He stands from where he was sitting down and I slowly walked towards them. They looked at me with anger. So much anger. Even Jenna looks mad at me.

"I'm so sorry." I say weakly.

In a split of a second, Mr. Forster's fist landed on my face and I almost fell on the floor. Alec catches me but then Mr. Forster grabbed my collar.

"Daddy that's enough!" Jenna cries.

"Does your family know what you did? Do they know you paid for everyone to keep the case close? Did you even say you were sorry for killing my mother, Mr. Forster?" I asked.

"You bastard!"

We hear the door opening when he was about to hit me again. Mr. Forster quickly pulled himself away from me and pushed me away. The doctor stepped out of the room and my heart just feels heavier until he pulls his surgical mask down. Hans was holding Jenna close to him while Mr. & Mrs. Forster were holding onto each other's arm. I'm standing here, right away from them while Alec stands beside me.

"How's my daughter?" Mrs. Forster asked with a little cry.

"We're terribly sorry." The doctor says.

No.

No!

"Don't say that!" Mr. Forster exclaims.

"Oh my god." Mrs. Forster falls onto her husband's chest.

"We tried everything we could to revive her but... She's dead on arrival. We are truly sorry." The doctor lowers his head.

"Oh my god Catherine. My baby girl. My Catherine." Mrs. Forster cries.

My world shattered into thousands of pieces and it tore my heart out from my chest when the doctor said that. I killed her. I killed Catherine. I killed the one I love. I killed her. I'm a killer. She died because of me. I lost Catherine.

Alec grabs my shoulder as my tears blurs my vision. I shake my head in disbelief. Their cries are even making me more feel my deep pain. My mind is numb but racing in circles. This isn't making any sense of what was happening. This isn't real. This couldn't be real. This isn't happening to us. I need to wake up.

"My daughter." Mrs. Forster cries again.

"Catherine!!" Jenna screams as she cries on Hans' arms.

"What about the baby?" Hans asked.

I pulled my head back up. My baby boy.

"How's my child?" Hans added.

He seriously has the guts to claim its his.

I stared at the doctor and I don't know if I was ready for what he was gonna say.

"He didn't make it as well." The doctor answered. "We are terribly sorry."

I fell on the ground and just cried for more. I feel no wisp of relief as my mind drifts further and further into the abyss of complete sorrow. Catherine. My baby. My son. We were suppose to be a family. We were suppose to be happy. We were suppose to be together. He was suppose to call me daddy. I was suppose to carry him on my arms.

"Catherine.... I'm so sorry." I say.

"Nick let's go. Before they'll do something to you. The police might be coming here Cmon. Let's go. Cmon." Alec tells me.

I shake my head sideways. "I killed her Alec. I killed both of them. They died cos of me."

"You didn't want this. It's not your fault."

"It's my fault... It's my fault they're gone."

•••••

"Wilde!"

I pulled my head up.

"You've got a visitor." The lady guard says to me as she opens my cell.

She cuffs my hands together as I followed her leading me out of my cell. We passed by a few cells of other prisoners while my heart was still dying. It's just been a week since that night happened and every single time I fall asleep, I dream about her. The dream would start with me and Catherine in a house, we looked so happy. She carries our baby in her arms and we were playing with our baby boy. When he cries, Catherine would sway her. She would sing him to sleep and she would let me carry our baby. But our son loves it more to be in her mother's arm. I would watch Catherine carrying our baby.

Then there's fire all of a sudden on the curtains of the house. The fire is growing and growing into a larger flame. It's burning everything and there's too much smoke. Too much smoke that I couldn't see. I reach my hand out to save my family but Catherine couldn't get out of the room. She's blocked by a burning wood that has fallen down from the ceiling. I watch her and our baby being eaten by the flame. They're screaming. They're crying. They're asking for my help but I couldn't save them. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do anything to save them even in my dreams.

Mrs. Linda, the lady guard, unlocks my handcuffs. I thanked her with a slight smile and started walking to where Alec was sitting down in front of a glass window. I grabbed the telephone that connects to the outside from where Alec was.

"Hey bro." He greets.

"Hey man." I answered weakly.

"How are you? Sleeping well in there?"

I nod. "Thanks for visiting Alec."

He smiled.

"Don't worry. Even if you'll grow tired of seeing my face every time I come here, I won't listen to you." He laughs.

I half smiled.

"Guess what bro?" He asked.

I pulled my head up to him and he pulls out two white envelopes.

"We got in WSU, brother!" He chimed.

I stared at it and I can't help but smile cos it was Catherine's dream for me. It was our dream to go to WSU together. A part of me is happy but a bigger part of me is still in complete sorrow.

"Congrats." I tell him. "When are you leaving town then?"

Alec placed the envelope down and half smiled at himself then pulled his head up to me. "When you get out of here."

"What?"

"We promised to get to college together, Nick. You're my best friend. More like a brother. I'll wait for you." Alec says.

"No homo." He smirks.

I laughed softly. "Alec you can't do this. Go to WSU. It's okay. I'll be happy for you. I'll just catch up."

"Fuck no. We promised to graduate high school together, to apply at a same university, to go to college together and to be in a same fraternity. I can't do it without you bro."

I smirked. "You fucking love me. You become so gay for me, Alec."

He laughed. "Call it gay. But a promise is a promise Nick. So you better hurry up on chilling here cos I'm waiting for yah."

"Thanks man." I say.

"So." he snapped. "How are you now? I hope you're not blaming yourself anymore."

I shake my head. "I'll keep on blaming myself forever Alec. It's all cos of me."

Alec sighs. "Time will come and you can forgive yourself for what happened Nick. Maybe someday someone will make you fall in love once again."

"I don't think I could use my heart to love someone else once again. I don't think this kind of pain that I'm feeling will ever heal. The moment Catherine and my son died, was the moment I lost the ability to love and live again." I tell him.

Every day, I'm awake and living but to be honest, I'm emotionally and mentally slowly dying every time.

__________

SFTC:

Until The End (acoustic) - Quietdrive